Lipstick Liason
by Tmyres77
Summary: Written in response to the challenge of a lipstick stained tissue ... one of Max's most prized possessions?


**Lipstick Liasons**

_Disclaimer: I could never hope to reach the plateau that is the greatness of Mel Brooks and Buck Henry. These characters aren't mine. I'm just borrowing them._

It started out simple enough. CONTROL's finest had gotten the go-ahead to storm the building that KAOS was currently using as its chemical lab. The two seasoned agents had learned that the super-secret evil organization was in the process of developing a new mind-altering drug that would allow them to control people's mind. What made it even more heinous and downright nasty was the fact that the drug could be delivered as an airborne virus. One small whiff and bam! KAOS had control.

But what CONTROL didn't know was that the drug only affected women. Nor did it know that one of the major side effects was a surplus of amorous affection directed to the next available man in the vicinity.

So, Maxwell Smart was more than a little surprised after handcuffing the captured criminals to turn around and find his partner gazing longingly at him. He had tried to find out what was wrong, but he hadn't gotten more than four words out when 99 had lunged at him and knocked him to the ground.

He was surprised to realize how strong 99 was. Upon later reflection, he came to the conclusion that the time she'd been spending in CONTROL's new gym was really paying off! It took him a moment to untangle himself from the arms wrapped around his neck, and by the time he managed to get back into a standing position, his face was thoroughly covered in deep-red kisses. It had taken more than just a little mild encouragement to escort her from the room and out into sunshine and fresh air.

While waiting for the effect to wear off, he had snagged a tissue and managed to transfer most of the lipstick from his face to the tissue. Stuffing it in his pocket, he had sat down and waited for the inevitable.

The drug had finally worn off.

And now, Maxwell Smart was desperately trying to reassure his very nervous partner that everything was all right.

"It's perfectly understandable, 99," he assured her. "After all, you couldn't help your amorous actions. You were under the influence of a mind-altering drug. It's not your fault that you couldn't keep your hands or lips off me."

99 winced at his choice of words, but then gave Max a weak smile in wary, but grateful relief.

"Thank you for understanding, Max. I was afraid you might think less of me."

"Not very likely," Max muttered.

"What was that?"

He cleared his throat. "I said, uh, that's not like me."

"Of course not." 99 glanced away for a moment, nervously shuffling her feet. Max watched in silent amazement at 99's uncharacteristic display of anxiety.

"Is there something else wrong, 99?" he asked in an uncharacteristic display of concern.

She stepped closer and looked at him anxiously. "You're not going to mention this in your report or tell anyone ... are you?"

Max suddenly realized how concerned 99 truly was about all of this. He took her hand with a seriousness he rarely displayed – especially around her.

"99, I promise I won't." He gazed into her luminous blue eyes. "I would never do anything to hurt your reputation. You know that, don't you?"

She returned his gaze and gave him a small smile. "I do know that, Max."

"Good."

"But what I don't understand," she continued, "is why you always watch out for me. Even when it's not related to our cases."

Max looked at her in disbelief. "You're my gir... partner, 99! It's my duty." He tugged on the hand he held in his, smiling slyly. "Besides, I could ask you why you always watch my back and stick up for me when the Chief is mad at me."

"Max, I love...working with you," 99 said, catching herself in mid-sentence and blushing furiously.

"You do, huh?" Max grinned, noticing her small, but important, slip. "I kind of thought so."

He watched in pleasure as 99 lowered her head, the pink blush spreading rapidly through her cheeks. Clasping her hand more tightly in his, he began walking to their cars.

"You know, 99," he said, glancing at her, "I have to be honest with you"

"About what Max?"

"I'd have to say I love ... working with you, too," he told her, never breaking his stride.

99 glanced at him, but said nothing, merely tightening her hand in his. When they reached her car, she finally broke the comfortable silence.

"Thank you for being so understanding, Max."

"You don't have to thank me, 99."

"But I want to, Max," she said, stepping closer to him.

"Well, I do take personal checks," he joked.

"Unfortunately, I left my checkbook at home," 99 murmured before leaning in and kissing him full on the mouth.

"Or you can do that," Max grinned when the kiss was over. "Grrr, 99! You're really good at that!"

"Max, you're not supposed to say things like that," 99 laughed.

"Why not?"

"Because," 99 stopped for a moment, thinking, and then shrugged. "To be honest, I don't exactly know why. You're just not."

"Well, I just call it like I see it, 99," he told her. "And, I think you're a great kisser."

"Thank you ... I think."

"No problem, 99," Max said as he reached over and opened the door for her. He watched as she fastened her seat belt (she was so safe like that!) and searched for her keys. When she was ready to go, Max closed the door, making sure not to close her ankle in it like last time.

"You know, 99" he said, poking his head through her window, "I told you you're a great kisser, but what about me? Do you think I need some more practice?"

99 looked at him in confusion. "What ... what are you asking me, Max?"

"Well, I don't want to be known as a bad kisser. After all, I'm a debonair spy. I have a reputation to uphold. What would happen if all the women I kiss on assignment go off and start telling everyone I'm a bad kisser?" His eyes widened in horror. "Why, I'd be ruined!"

"All the women you kiss on assignment?" 99 arched an eyebrow. "And just how many women do you plan on kissing?"

"Gee, 99, I don't know," Max said, oblivious to the dangerous ice he was treading on. "I do a lot of kissing in my line of work."

99 shook her head in disbelief at the sheer ego of it all and decided to turn the tables on him. "I know the feeling, Max."

"I'm sure you do," Max agreed, then stopped when he realized what she had just said.  
"Hey! Wait a minute, 99! Just how many fellas do you kiss?"

"Gee, I don't know Max. Three, four, maybe five. Depends on the week," she said with a flippant air.

"Five! Wha...how" Max sputtered. "99! Are you really telling me you kiss five fellas a week? Because that's just...just…"

"Just what, Max?" she asked sweetly.

"Well, it's just not appropriate, and I don't think you need to be doing that," he told her with conviction.

"Not appropriate, Max?" her eyes narrowed at him. "It's all in the line of duty. How can it not be appropriate?"

She had him there, Max thought. He couldn't fault her for doing her job. But that didn't mean he had to like it, though. Darn it! Why did 99 have to be so beautiful, he thought to himself.

"Geez, 99. You've got me there. I just don't like thinking of men treating you like that," he told her with a defeated sigh.

99 was lost. "Like what?"

"Like you're some gorgeous, brunette, blue-eyed, baby doll with legs that go on for miles and an irresistible charm that draws men of all ages," Max told her.

99 was touched. "Max, I…"

"You're not like that at all," Max continued.

99 was no longer touched. "Well, I like that!"

Max continued on, oblivious to 99's distress. "You're a gorgeous, brunette, blue-eyed, sophisticated woman with legs that go on for miles and an irresistible charm that draws men of all ages."

"Oh Max." She shook her head in amusement at the unexpected insult-turned compliment that was so characteristic of Maxwell Smart. "What am I going to do with you?"

"Keep me if I follow you home?" he asked hopefully.

"I don't think so."

"Um, thank me again for keeping your secret?"

Max watched 99's eyes crinkled at the edges as she laughed at the hopeful expression on his face.

"Well, you don't have any evidence of the earlier incident, and I think the Chief would be more likely to believe me than you right now."

"Only because he's still sore at me for the dent in his car," Max pointed out sullenly.

99 looked at him incredulously. "Max, he has no passenger door."

"What are you implying?" Max asked suspiciously.

She rolled her eyes.

"So does this mean no more thank you's?" He cast his eyes down dejectedly.

"I didn't say that." She leaned over and brought her lips to his and gave him a lingering kiss.

"I have to start doing more favors for you, 99. I like your form of payment!"

"That's encouraging," she laughed. "Now, let's go. We have to get back to Headquarters and file our reports."

Max pulled his head from out of her window and smiled at her. "OK, well I'll see you back at Headquarters, 99. And don't worry – my lips are sealed," he promised with a wink.

"Thank you, Max. I'm just glad there's no evidence to deal with. That would have been embarrassing." She turned the key in the ignition and listened as the engine started. "I'll see in a little while, Max."

He waved goodbye and stood for a moment, watching as she left. Reaching into his pocket, his hand closed around the thin, crumpled material. A small smile came to his face as he pulled his hand out and opened his palm to the kissed-stained tissue.

"Well, almost no evidence," he smiled. But he knew that this particular piece of evidence would never find its way to CONTROL. Rather, it would be stored away, safe from harm, in a small wooden chest that sat on a certain spy's dresser, safeguarding his prized possessions.


End file.
